Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
