Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
