Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
