I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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