just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
