Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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