you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
