you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
