Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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