I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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