my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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