There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
