I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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