wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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