So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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