STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
