Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
