I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
