I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize