Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
