What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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