I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
