Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
