I saw his package. It spoke to me.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize