Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
