yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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