Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
