I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
