after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
