pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
