DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
