And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize