And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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