he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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