I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
