Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
