Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
