i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
