Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
