i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
