that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
