Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize