My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
