You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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