I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
