But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize