What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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