put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i would punch a child for taco bell
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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