So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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