So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
