the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
