he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
