I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
