Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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