he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
