I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
