I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
