i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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