worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
