nut hugger
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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