Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize