Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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