Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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