Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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