Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
