Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
