the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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