Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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