I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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