I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
