4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
