I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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