Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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