You're my little dorito
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I AM VODKA MAN
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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