i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
