I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
